Face to Face

It is almost 6 am. E is sleeping, and the empty house is almost as quiet as it can be. I did wake to a few squacks from the wall, though. So mice are stirring.

Today will be challenging. I'm having my first face to face meeting (unsupervised) with my ex-husband in order to talk about A's schooling. Earlier this summer, I was convinced that I should switch her out of her present school because I was worried she was struggling to express herself in French. I was also worried about the school's administration - the principal is unresponsive and bullying with parents and 8 teachers quit the school in June, including A's teacher. Remember, this is a Waldorf school, which is supposed to be focused on the development of social, physical, and artistic expression and community. The tone of the school seemed to fly in the face of that. Now, after talking to A and thinking it through, i'm willing to giveit another try.

Why? Well, the school is a special program, so no matter where A lives in the city, she can still attend. That means that if it works out here in E's town and I want to sell my house, that so long as A's dad is in the city, she can go to that school. Otherwise, if I'm here, she'll have to go to a school in his district or here, which would not likely work. I wouldn't want to travel an hour back and forth to his suburb and he'd likely block any attempt I'd make to move her to a school here. So, pratically speaking, it makes the most sense. However, more important is how she's feeling.

A is a compliant child, which is why I worry about her. She is so easy going that she lets her five-year-old friends push her around all the time, especially Hannah. Hannah has pinched, pushed, poked, and teased A mercilessly. Surprisingly, Hannah's parents are great. I think they've just spoiled her and can't recognize her bad behaviour. A's report card mentioned that A is reluctant to talk about what is bothering her, so I suspect she lets herself get bullied and stays mum. Certainly, having the parents she does, A is used to managing conflict and probably accepts it as a normal part of life, which makes me sad. Considering this, I think A may be struggling to assert herself generally and particularly in a French school, because whenver I've been in her class volunteering (and I was there a lot last year) she's been subdued and solitary, a dreamy little waif skirting the other playing children, off in her own world, or clinging to me. She is not her usual ebullient self. So, what do I do?

Unlike E, I've been unable to talk to A's other parent about her. However, since our appearance before a judge earlier this summer, A;s dad seems more open to communicating now. Thus, we are meeting this morning. This will be weird. We haven't spoken alone together since before he stormed out of my life 5 years ago. His rage has been extraordinary. I've not known what to do and still don't, but I will try everything I can to help A.

Last night E and I saw the movie Hope Springs. Rick Groen's review in the Globe & Mail was midling, but he did acknowledge the power of the leads and the poignancy of the movie's depiction of the couple's difficulty negotiating sex. I also thought Groen identified the major problem I had with the film - that Arnold's aversion to sex and inablity to look Kay in the eye during the act is never fully explained. I guess Groen hints that it is, but I never saw that issue resolved. There was no big reveal in the film, and the ending was tacked on . . . one of those cutesy, home movie accounts of . . . oh, I won't spoil it, but we've seen that ending countless times in recent years. Anyway, the movie did examine how difficult maintaing sexual momentum can be in a long marriage. While I've never experienced anything like that (remember, my last marriage lasted 10 months), I know E has. I think he worries about it. After all, when I first met him, he told me he didn't think sex mattered very much! He's come round, thank God, but it is still difficult for him to talk about . .. and to talk . . . and, well, as much as the movie was about an older generation, its lessons still apply. Sex is always complicated, or, rather, its is complicated when things aren't working. You forget about it when everything's okay . . . which someone I know said, but I forget who.

At least E and I, in sex and otherwise, see face to face - most of the time.