Christmas Eve

I'm back. Almost a year later. Living something as complex and rich as I could desire. Today, I'll head out to participate in the consumer frenzy and tonight I'll send my baby off to her father for her first Christmas Eve without me, and I'll head to a friend's house to try to relax and enjoy what will inevitably feel lonely. Later tonight, my new beloved will call me from Toronto, where he has gone to celebrate Christmas with his two children and his ex-inlaws. He's making the trip there today because his ex chose to be with her fiance and their new baby rather than her children by him. I can't imagine making that kind of choice myself. But, there's a lot happening that I have trouble processing. My life this past year has been about accepting what feels unacceptable and reconciling myself to things not being the way I want them to be.