Kingston

There was a Kingston post this morning that disappeared. I'm not sure why. It was a fabulous getaway. We returned yesterday and recovered enough to spend today with our kids in the pool, which was a perfect way to spend a hot, muggy Victoria Day, which I didn't realize wasn't the holiday in Quebec. It was Jour des Patriots, or something. I didn't pay much attention when E explained it. I was happy enough to slip away from the fray at 4 pm to watch Oprah's special on Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth Gilbert was far more interesting to me than Julia Roberts, though I get her mommy kick. I'm somewhere between the two right now, as I have great couple experiences with E and equally wonderful family experiences with him, his kids, and A when we all come together for days like today. In many ways, I have the best of both worlds and I have to be grateful for that.

Still, I often feel I'm leading a kind of half-life. I am facing more of that with the prospect of A being away half-tme, but that also means I'll have more time to travel with E and enjoy the romantic things that we do together. Most mothers don't have time for that kind of indulgence.

I thought the most interesting thing that Gilbert said was that she realized upon seeing the movie that what she thought was an intensely personal story was actually a universal story of how people experience and recover from heartbreak. Certainly, that is the journey I relate to. I read the book a long time ago and thought it only scratched the service of the kind of pain you experience in divorce. Now that I have moved on in my life, I can appreciate the idea of how moving on happens.

This weekend was challenging on a number of levels in that regard. E's ex-wife remarried and he and I talked seriously about our future. In the courtyard of the B & B, after a run by the Kingston waterfront, we talked about plans and accidents and not really being in control. As much as I love planning, I always know that you can only do so much to ensure a particular outcome. At some level life works its own way with us. As much as I've felt worked over these past few years (and I broke a mirror this morning, so I hope I'm not in for more bad luck), I think I'm better off now than I would have been otherwise. Certainly, E's a better man than my ex was. Our life together is more interesting than my previous life. The future isn't clear, but I've resigned myself to the inevitability of that. Things happen. Posts disappear.