Simplicity Parenting

I spent the early weekend listening to Kim John Payne talk about Simplicity Parenting. It made sense to me. I've always had to be simple in my parenting, because it was just A and I up until now. That made it easier, I think, to live with less, to have time to decompress, to leave our schedule open, and to avoid exposing her to adult conversations. Although maybe I'm idealizing our past. Now, things are harder.

Certainly, E isn't on board with this kind of approach, although he does include some of Payne's principles, which include 1. decluttering their environment, 2. establishing household rituals and rhythms, 3. allowing for a flexible and open schedule, and 4. filtering out the adult world.  I realize that E's more minimalist than I am, and has far less to declutter, but his kids have lots of toys and distractions, including iPods, iPads, televisions, DVD players, and computer access that A still does not. Rhythm is sometimes a challenge, but E is a domestic god because he makes dinners and we eat together, although he prefers to eat alone. Recently, however,  I had to enforce bedtimes because over the past year bedtime for his kids slid from around 8 pm to 10 pm. They've now settled on 9 pm, while A is in bed by 8 pm. Our approach to schedules differs significantly. His kids are also on a definite schedule, with lots of activities to attend to. He likes it this way, even with the driving. I have 2 days of activities for A, Mondays and Saturdays, and that's enough for me. Our adult world is separate. Both of us try not to expose our adult lives to the kids, and he reminds me, sometimes, to be careful what I say in front of A, particularly about her father. So, are we simplicity parents? Not exactly, although I'm sure we can adopt some of Payne's principles.

The garage, for instance, is full of things to give away. Tomorrow, I'll try to comb and cull toys, books, and clothes from A's room while she's at her dad's. I will also try to do that myself, though it will be harder. The prospect of having a more peaceful environment is appealing, so I'll have to try.

Payne talked about low level stress building to a syndrome of sorts over time that mimicked Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This made sense to me, especially given my experiences with custody trials over the past 6 years. I reached a point of distress myself, without really recognizing it, and now I'm trying to recover. I realize that this down time is a necessary healing time . . . while I haven't seen A manifest my distress, maybe this is something of the same for her.