N-W

I'm reading Zadie Smith's new novel. I'm not quite clear on the London district it is depicting, but I relate to the protagonist, a woman, filled with empathy, who can't seem to get a handle on her life.

I think I'm a kind person. However, I'm the kind of kind person who really, really resents unkind people, so I can't possible be as kind as I think I am. I'm not sure what that makes me. I have unkind thoughts that I override. I try not to say anything that would hurt someone, unless I think it necessary. I hold to the principle of speaking only after considering, 1. is it true, 2. is it necessary, 3. is it kind. I can't claim that I undertake the same consideration for my blog posts. This is where I vent.

So. N-W. I am a third of the way through and I have no idea where it is going. The overly empathetic protagonist seems to have a dark side, having abortions unbeknownst to her husband, befriending addicts, to everyone's chagrin. What do our dark sides say about us?

Mine reflects my frustration with the powerlessness of my situation. I can't change an upbringing that was less than ideal, a failed marriage, and a floundering career (the result of that failed marriage in large part). I try to be optimistic, but it isn't easy. Is there any way to overcome such everyday despair?