Bothered

This heat only exasperates the tension I'm feeling in relation to this settlement. Everything is sticky. My lawyer submitted something to me yesterday that was completely out of line with discussions we've had and full of errors. I'm not sure what to make of him. Does he have ADD? It is so frustrating to have a so-called professional not living up to the billing. Meanwhile, I still have to deal with the awful ex who consistently tries to provoke me with his bad behaviour and catty emails. The lawyer hasn't helped in any way in that regard. What's the point of having one? If you don't, you're pumelled. If you do, you're ripped off.

As an escape, I just read The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo. E and I decided to read the trilogy together this summer after we read a fabulous review in the Globe this past weekend. I started reading on Sunday and finished this morning and it was as unputdownable as was said. Violent, though, which is not usually something I like. I didn't like that part of the book, but I liked the characters (especially the girl) and the pacing and the plot was interesting and the Sweedish setting was appealing. So, I'll probably hand off this first book to E tonight and start the next one. I'm interested to see what he thinks of it. He loves crime fiction. Often mild-mannered types do. I think that's because it is a release for their shadow side; they get to indulge in what they'd never consciously express . . . murderous feelings, hatred, revenge . . . I think that's it, but I'm not sure.

For my part, the violence is too much. I don't consider it entertaining. I like the psychological complexities of the characters, but I don't want to believe that people can be so dehumanized. I don't know why I feel that way, when, for example, I see everyday how inhumane my ex is and how completely detached my lawyer is and how the family law system promotes conflict and harms children. I guess crime ficiton feels too real to me and threatens to undermine my idealism and belief in individuals' abilities to be good, rational, and progressive. I suppose the hero/ione is meant to embody those qualities, but to have them so often up against opposing forces so wretched makes me despair, even if they don't.