Close

I woke up with a spiking headache, knowing I was to phone my lawyer at 9:00 am (he emailed me late yesterday afternoon to set this up). In order to avoid getting overly worried, I went on a walk and bought some groceries for today, fresh buns, cheese, diet coke, anything to get me through the day. It was nice to move, even if it was damp and overcast. I love this neighbourhood. Mostly, I like sitting here by my window working with CBC 1 on and the birds bickering in the background.

At 9:00 am, I called and my lawyer seemed cheerful.

"We're close!" he announced.

"Well, I'm sucking it up," replied.

"You're watering your wine," he responded.

Whatever that is supposed to mean. This doesn't feel much like wine. Maybe he meant whine.

He then announced that he thought it would settle and that he'd send a modified Offer to Settle first to me and then to the other side. He agreed with certain of my changes and explained to me what Child Support is supposed to cover, which is mostly everything except daycare costs and extraordinary expenses. He should be getting back to me soon.

Am I happy? No. I don't want any of this . . . at the same time, I understand that it isn't something I can really fight, not now. If things are really bad for A, maybe, but now . . . maybe it can be okay . . . as long as she's okay, and that is what I'm worried about. I'll have to go after the assessor when this is over. He's irresponsible and should be held accountable. However, mostly, I have to go on and do everything I can to help A be happy and to keep her close.

E wrote me from St. Petersburg. He spent 2 hours in line to get into the Hermitage. He's off to Pushkin today. He seems happy.

Happy is easy enough if expectations are modest, I suppose. I'm happy enough with coffee, exercise, quiet, fresh air, a modest home, work, and close, steady love, not in that order. I'll never be one to seek unrealistic highs or take foolish risks. Like E, I'm prudent. That may not be terribly exciting . . . but I don't need excitement, I need contentment, which is different. Maybe for each of us happiness is somewhere on the scale between the two.