New Year's Eve Day

It isn't yet evening. It is just before 10 am and I just finished the first round of exam marking. I have the weekend to review my essays and exams and compile final marks, which are due on Tuesday. I can almost breathe a sigh of relief, but unfortunately, I can't. I'm stressed about not hearing from my daughter, who has been with her father for the last 7 days and hasn't called. She would call, given the opportunity, I'm sure, which is partly why I am stressed. When she is with me, she knows she can call her father anytime. I don't think that it true when she is with him.

A few years ago, when she was much younger, I had to take him to court in order to get an order for nightly phone calls from her when she was with him. Those calls have never happened, but I really don't want to go back to court. It is stressful and expensive. I just want to know my little girl is okay. It really worries me when I don't hear from her.

That's one stressful thing. A large one. Another is that my now 90-year-old father sent me a strange email two nights ago telling me he had to change his will. When I asked my brother, the state executor, what was going on, he told me he had no idea of any change to the will. All this makes me quite suspicious of my older sister, who had been visiting my father recently and who is extremely avaricious. I don't trust her, particularly because my father is already suffering from dementia. I keep wondering what is going on and, although I asked my father and my brother to clarify, I've heard nothing. My sister, for some bizarre and unknown reason, has not spoken to me since my mother's death 15 years ago. I believe she resented my decision not to sell my mother's childhood home, because my sister wanted the money. She never explained what was wrong, just broke off all contact with me and everyone for the last 14 years, only returning to visit my father this year after his massive heart-attack last year. I think she is sniffing around for the spoils. Have I mentioned that I don't trust her?

The third reason I'm stressed is that I've been alone with my husband for the past 7 days and . . . nothing has really happened. I mean, he makes no effort to connect to me, we spend time together, but he is mostly blank-faced and silent. This is partly attributable to his AS, but it is also frustrating and lonely to be with someone who shows so little interest and enthusiasm for me or for our shared experiences. I do wonder how long I can handle this and look forward to the return of our children so that I have an excuse for getting away and finding other people to talk to.

Living with an AS partner is stressful. It always feels like I'm alone, or worse, neglected. I keep thinking I should try harder to expand my social circles, but there is only so much of that you can do, especially when your life is busy with a young child and multiple workplaces and commitments. I do what I can and will continue to seek other like-minded souls. Obviously, my husband isn't one of them.