This year will be all about working hard. I know it. A and I are shifting into new roles. E and I are finding new ways of relating. What will this year bring for us?
I hope A will learn French. I don't think she's twigged to the fact that she's in French school. As far as I see and understand (when I was there for her birthday), whenever she's on her own there (amid 26 other kids), she talks English with English-speaking kids, or replies in English to French-speaking kids. The teachers have asked me whether she speaks other languages at home. I say no, she's just making up words she thinks sound French when she speaks her own special brand of gibberish. I hope they aren't offended. They just seem perplexed.
I hope I will get through this custody chaos and move on . . . and it is hard to even imagine to that . . . I don't even know what I want to move on to . . . a life with E? Is that something I can imagine? Not soon. Move A once she's adjusted to this new school? I couldn't do that.
Will I have more work? I can see that . . . but I'll need more time. Will I have more time? Less A? Is that worth it? What about money? I need more money.
Oh, I can't think about it. All I can do is work. I don't have much of a social life anymore because, well, I live farther away from the centre and it isn't easy to just walk out the door and see someone or do anything other than maybe run or go to the grocery store.
Right now it is still all about A, E, and me, just trying to survive.
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