2014

Happy New Year!

I always hope for a new start. I asked myself this year . . . what can I do differently? I think that I have to do something different to get different results . . .but as usual, I'm not sure what to do.

Writing may help, so as I've done before . . . I resolve to write . . . more. Just more. I can't commit to much else. I can set definite goals because that's destined to fail. All I can do is try incremental change. Okay? Okay.

We spent New Year's inside our home, tucked away from the cold, with E's friends. I hoped for some friends to join me . . .but everyone I asked was busy, so I listened to E and his friends talk politics. I rarely join in to their conversation and they rarely invite me to. There isn't much to do about that. I'm not one of them - in their field, of their ilk. We are wired differently. I have to live with the limitations of those around me . . . and my own. That's what I've decided.

E does the same. He came up North with me. He tolerates my family. That's something

I also tolerate his . . .which is my biggest challenge.

I've been finishing Atwood's trilogy this holiday . . . The Flood  and now MaddAddam. I'm liking the last book less than the second. At least in The Flood we focused on some female characters, but MaddAddam deals with Zeb a lot, who is less interesting to me. What I do like is the assertion that despite the desperation of circumstances, in this case, the end of our world, people are still essentially concerned with relationships and narrative. Storytelling is essential to our humanity.

As such, I will try to narrate my way to a more humane existence. Ranting may not be humanizing . .. but it is cathartic, which is also valuable. It is a safety valve. I don't want to implode, which I felt in real danger of doing, especially when I inadvertently knocked myself in the head with a shovel and suffered a concussion. That was a wake-up call. Wake up!

Stumble through. Manage.

Today A is returning from spending New Year's Eve with her dad. She's still sick with a gastro that had her puking up all over me in our bed up North. That was a miserable night, followed by a miserable morning in the regional hospital and a miserably cold drive back to Gatineau. It is still far too cold to bear and I've been holed up next to the fire ever since. Hopefully she will be better today.