Two years ago, through a blind date and sheer good fortune, I landed a research contract with the government. Having that job enabled me to work from home, make my own hours, and have enough income to qualify for a mortgage. My series of 3-month contracts just came to an end. I can't say I'm surprised, as work was waning and I've been too intensely preoccupied with the vagaries of my life to consistently ask for more. This is just another ending that scares me.
E and I talked at length about this yesterday. He asked me in I wanted to move in with him this summer, so that I wouldn't be worried about money. I'm tempted. We were planning on next summer, when his daughter would be older and maybe want to take the basement room, when A would have adjusted to her 50/50 lifestyle, when his son felt more secure. Is it rushing everyone to start this summer? I'm not sure. Can I scrape by with teaching alone next year? Will anything else come up?
If I look back on roadblocks in my past, I can say that they led me to much more rewarding prospects, adventures, and opportunities. However, they didn't lead to the security I now crave. What would help me feel secure? A permanent job. The income to support whatever it is A or I wanted to do. The opportunity to feel like I was successful and contributing to something important. Is that asking too much of work? Of life?
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