That's the way I feel most of the time. I'm living in some kind of purgatory . . . what with being stuck in custody legal limbo . . . with my darling girl who knows where with her father . . . work trickling in at a level that barely sustains me . . . with my beloved rivers away . . .
I escape by reading fiction, most recently Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin. It was a thoughtful depiction of infidelity, I thought. It also brought back painful memories . . . I suppose it is good to grieve again and again . . . grief is apparently cyclical, but maybe not. I feel like I've been grieving in one way or another for years.
I guess I'm lucky that I'm not completely walled off by grief, however. I'm still willing to risk and love, even if it is always more challenging than it should be. Life is always more challenging than we expect, I think, especially if we really engage.
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