Island

A and I watched About a Boy the other day, which was a lovely movie about the importance of community. I would like to strengthen my sense of community and my social ties., especially because my marriage is so distant. Yesterday, I went on a long, cold walk along the river with my newly widowed neighbour. It was a bit awkward, as we have nothing in common but the neighbourhood, but it felt good nevertheless. It was a small gesture of connection. I would like to increase those.

Over the holidays I read the wonderful this is happy by Camilla Gibb. It was also a meditation on intimacy and community. What I appreciated most about the memoir was her brutal honesty about family dysfunction and the legacy of growing up with it. I am convinced my continual sense of alienation stems from a difficult childhood. Her book is a good illustration of how we can overcome our past to create new kinds of families and communities. I would like to do that, but perhaps I am still too much in recovery mode, particularly given my recent scuttle with my family of origin. I decided I wouldn't return for Christmas this year, and it was the best decision for me, but it also felt like a huge loss, particularly for A, I think. She has always been the reason I've returned, and I hope she'll understand why I can't do it anymore.

You have to be careful about who you let close to your heart. I'm a fan of islands.