Blind

Perhaps I was going around in circles there because I wasn't understanding what was right before my eyes. I did feel it, but I had no confirmation for it. Now I do.

I met with A's teacher the week after the case conference and I was left speechless and agonized by what she said. My beautiful, intelligent daughter cannot function at school, cries constantly, isn't eating, slips off her chair and cannot rouse herself enough to get up, is confused and confounded by her schedule and is completely without happiness, joy, or innocence. She is "carrying the world on her shoulders," according to her teacher and is always sad. The teacher also said that my daughter always asks about me and says she misses me, but she does not say she misses her father.

Everytime the teacher opened her mouth, I reeled back as though struck. She nodded at me sagely. I was in shock for some time thereafter, then became angry. Even as I've been saying that my daughter has been under tremendous stress, even with the support of my doctor, my ex claimed I was making it up. His lawyer blamed me.

When I finally got to speak with my lawyer last week (he was apparently unavailable for 2 days of previous calls), he told me that my ex would likely take me to court on an emergency motion if I reverted to the court-ordered schedule. I have a hard time imagining how that could be justified. He didn't explain. He never does.

So, here I am again, taking initiative alone, trying to protect my daughter from harm, sick-at-heart to hear that she is suffering and frustrated beyond belief that I can't do more to help her and that her father refuses to.