Stand in Hell

That is the title of a friend's novel, but it describes my current situation perfectly.

My lawyer is in court and I am left to thrash out details of a custody and access proposal on my own. I hate being on my own in this hellish conflict. The ex is refusing to stop following me with a video camera. He's been following me, audio recording me, and videotaping me for months. I debate whether to file a police report, for to do so may be perceived as sensationalizing, and, as my partner points out, it may make any future dealings with my ex impossible.

Last night I woke up drenced in sweat, then after dreaming of being in a head-on collision, then after dreaming of being in court, then when A called out for me, then after another nightmare I don't recall, then with the morning light streaming under the blind.

Now, mid-day, I'm trying to focus on some of the most tedious work imaginable.

I try to get through this by imagining a clearer future with no fire, but smoke continues to cloud my eyes.