I do dread winter. Each wall I try to pscyh myself up for the onslaught of dark, cold, and snow, but I never seem to do much more than whimper all the way through it. I am hibernating now. I am back in my own home, tucked into the cozy warmth of it, fending off worrying thought about family and work.
Yesterday, E's son was diagnosed with a number of learning disabilities, depression, anxiety, ADD, and Turrett's Syndrome. It looks as though the Turrett's comes from his father, which explains a lot of E's behaviour to me, but doesn't make it any easier to live with.
I am in avoidance mode. I feel overwhelmed by this news and the fact that special cases are all around me. My own A, lovely daughter sunshine, is also a loopy disengager, so much so that her teacher has been in touch a number of times over the year about it and we have initiated our own investigation into why . . . which will take more than a year to complete.
For myself, aside from avoiding cold and conflict, I'm attempting to learn as much as possible from a miraculous LTO posting with a local school board. It is a .20, which amounts to an hour a day, but I have the opportunity to try . . . and learn as I do . . . so I am grateful, even if it can't continue.
Next year is up in the air . . .the insecurity of it scares me so much that I can't sleep, but once in a while I do.
I do try to enjoy what I can in the midst of all the confusion - the sunshine, conversations about learning, art making, dining out, and reading in bed.
Oh, but I'm longing for spring and for the jet stream to go back where it belongs!
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