And back again. . .

So, as I ploughed through hundreds of essays and exams . . . my ex was leaving his wife. I think.

When my ex didn't email me about the passover access, I contacted him.

"Is it passover?" I asked, "Are you making arrangements for A, because I haven't heard from you."

Now, here I'll remind you that my ex is not Jewish, he is from a staunch Irish Roman Catholic family. His partner/wife is Jewish. A big concession in the settlement agreement was my consent for him to have both Christian and Jewish holidays, while I had to settle for just the Christian ones. Anyway . . . he wrote back and said,

"Yes, it is passover. I'll pick her up from school."

That was it. When A returned the following day, I asked her about Passover Seder and the Menorah. She looked at me blankly.

"Did you have a special dinner?"

"No, I just played with Daddy."

Okay, something was up. Probably his partner had taken their baby away for the holiday. I waited to hear more.

For the next week, A and her dad were staying at "Grandma's."

"Is Grandma there?" I asked.

"No, she's in England," A replied.

"Where is your stepmother and baby brother?" I queried.

"At their house," A said.

Hmm. . . .

They have been at "their house" for the past two weeks and A has been with her father, staying at his mother's and his sister's house. Of course I'm wondering what is going on and I can't really ask too much of A.

It seems to me, however, that at just over the 1 year mark, my ex has left his current partner and infant, just as he did to me four years ago. I'm desperate to know, of course, because this is terrible timing for A, who was just settling into a new routine.

What do I do? How can I find out the truth? He won't tell me and it might set him off somehow. His partner has always been antagonistic, so I doubt she'll tell me. I warned her about him, but she was condescending and hostile. I wonder if she remembers any of my words of warning now. Had I received a direct warning about him from one of his previvous girlfriends, I would have listened.

As it was, I did receive two warnings that were difficult to take to heart. One was from a player who used to hang out at his ex-girlfriend's bar (she's now a noted anti-terrorist activist). This player (and I call him that with reason, he's apparently slept with 1000s of women, based on his own account, and has left at least a few that I've known brokenhearted) looked out at my ex as he loped toward Bridgehead four years ago, after I'd mentioned my new boyfriend, and the player practically spat the words, "You're an idiot." I didn't take kindly to that. I didn't associate with the player thereafter. What had been a friendly, bantering, cafe acquaintance turned sour.

Another warning came completely out of the blue and probably due to my last, and more popular, blog. An unsigned letter arrived. It warned me not to proceed with my wedding plans. It also intimated that I was being an idiot, but not as directly. That point alone made it easier to dismiss. Again, I think I could have at least taken some of it to heart.

But when we are "in love" we want to believe in it. I tried anyway. I may not have been thoroughly aware of my own reservations, but they did eventually make themselves known.

I wonder what has happened in this instance.

I worry how it will affect A. Already she has become weepy about leaving me and even more resistant to going to her father's. She says, "I cry for you every night at Daddy's."

"What does Daddy do when you cry?

"Nothing."

That hurts me to hear. I tell her, "But I'm here for you and I always will be. I don't want you to be sad."

It seems her father is all about making people sad.