Okay, not really jitters, just nerves. I'm getting married (again) this weekend. After 5 years of living as a single mother, I'm going to be a part of a much larger blended family. E and I have been together for 3 of those years, so I'm not rushing into anything this time. There are many differences this time round. Let me try to enumerate them.
1. I'm not pregnant.
2. I'm happy with E.
3. We know and love each other really well.
4. We are both reliable and capable of long-term commitment.
5. We honour our relationship and our children.
Oh, there's a lot more to it, but it is almost 5 am and I'm about to go back to bed. As usual, I woke up at 4 am and now I'm ready to sleep. I have so many last minute things to do, but I've done not much but assemble forgotten items and piled them in the hall. A isn't here, so that's easy to do. I just hope her father drops her off as promised tomorrow morning. I received a message last night wherein she said, "I hope you have a great weekend!" and my heart sank, because all I could think of is that X is trying to ruin my wedding by keeping her. Anyway, E reminded me that at our court appearance X seemed eager to have A attend the wedding and things seem to have thawed somewhat. At least I'm getting phonecalls!
Okay, I'm done. I have worried sufficiently for this sleep pause. I can wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
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