Chaos

There are boxes stacked precariously on every surface in my apartment. Some are full and some and waiting to be filled. Books, DVDS, dolls, cups, combs, paper, shoes, scarves, magazines, baskets, crayons, stickers, recepts, hangers, balls, ornaments, pencils, pillows, blankets, and clothes spill out everywhere. How do I get through this? How do I pack everything up for my friends to help me move tomorrow? Am I ready for this move? I'm ambivalent, as usual.

However,

the good news is that my new floors are stunning. Well, they aren't exactly new. They are 60+ years old, but have been covered with plywood and vinyl and stain for who knows how long. Who does that? Oh, my dad's generation. For them, plastic floors were a luxury. Easy to clean! Soft on the sole! I'm just happy that the floors were relatively stain free. There was a big urine stain near the door. Some poor pet had been kept in to overflowing. Whose pet? When? Do we ever know the histories of the houses we inhabit? I know the previous owner was a little old man who seemed to like dogs (decorative dog plates and calendars were left behind, also a beautiful antique wardrobe and dresser, gardening implements, wooden benches, rubber boots, a knife and paper towel rack, a collection of end tables). I will live in this little house with my little girl and it will become an entirely different space. A new chapter in a continuing history. I like that idea.

I'd head over this morning to move things, but the floors are still smelly with urethane. I had a terrible headache after my last visit. And, it's snowing. I hate driving in the snow.

But I want to be there, to wander through and imagine what could be, to try to visualize how to deal with all the design challenges that come from buying an older man's home: the fireplace with the added on slate hearth that clashes, the pink-press-on-tiles that cover three of the four walls in the teeniest bathroom ever, the dingy-grey paint and panelling everywhere else. Why did I take this on? Because I saw the potential in this little urban cottage and I wanted a home.

I just have to get beyond that mess and my current chaos.