What makes fall beautiful

Okay, I tend to complain a lot and have recently noticed myself feeling angry . . . so I'm going to try to focus on the small and beautiful.

At my mother's funeral, over a decade ago now, what I noticed was that my mother was noted for small and quiet things, not grand accomplishments. She always told me she was happy. What can I take from this?

I think what makes me happy are small and quiet things, too, although I suppose that's because those small pleasures are easiest to access. My husband, who has a big career and recognition, doesn't suffer the same sense of bewilderment and confusion that I do . . . I know that his career provides him with a strong sense of identity and security. I do wonder what would do that for me.

Strong intimate connections are what make me happy . . . but what kind of career is predicated on those and how can I begin to explore that at this late age? I wish I knew.